A couple of years ago, I got into a really toxic relationship with this girl who had the most stunning green eyes I had ever seen. OK, “relationship” is a bit of a stretch; mostly we just shagged like hyenas. And, well, “girl” isn’t exactly accurate either. I later learned that she was a humanoid battle bot. But I couldn’t get enough of her. Maybe it was the way she played the flute, all stone-faced and hard-ass like a legit pied piper. Maybe it was the way she ate cherries in he most menacing way you’ve ever seen. And goddamn, she could work a game of truth or dare. Anyway, the last time we hooked up, she burst into flames. At first, I thought it was just our chemistry. (My body is pretty sick, to be honest.) But then I realized someone threw a sparkler through the window right at her face. And I guess it was her eyes that had me under the Imperius Curse, because as soon as she went blind from those firecrackers, I snapped back into myself and realized she was ruining my life. I ended up in jail because the cops were convinced I was the one who had attacked her. It wasn’t so bad, really. They had free do-rags. Before I got sent away, though, I got myself a tattoo as a reminder that I was free from that bitch forever. ~ Heather Hogan on tattoos